I was walking down the high street When I heard footsteps behind me And there was a little old man In scarlet and grey, shuffling away Well, he trotted back to my house And he sat beside the telly With his tiny hands on his tummy Chuckling away, laughing all day I ought to report you to the Gnome office Gnome Office, a-ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha, hee hee hee I'm the laughing gnome and you can't catch me Ha ha ha, hee hee hee I'm the laughing gnome and you can't catch me Said the laughing gnome Well, I gave him roasted toadstools And a glass of dandelion wine Then I put him on a train to Eastbourne Carried his bag and gave him a fag Haven't you got a light, boy? Here, where do you come from? Gnome-man's land, ha hee hee hee Oh, really? In the morning, when I woke up He was sitting on the edge of my bed With his brother whose name was Fred He'd bought him along to sing me a song Right, let's hear it Here, what's that clicking noise? That's Fred, he's a metrognome, ha ha Ha ha ha, hee hee hee I'm the laughing gnome and you can't catch me Ha ha ha, hee hee hee I'm the laughing gnome and you can't catch me Ha ha, own up, I'm a gnome, ain't I? Ha ha Haven't you got a gnome to go to? No, we're gnomads, a-hee hee Didn't they teach you to get your hair cut at school? You look like a rolling gnome No, not at the London School of Ecognomics Now they're staying up the chimney And we're living on caviar and honey 'Cause they're earning me lots of money Writing comedy prose for radio shows It's the-er, it's the Gnome Service, of course Ha ha ha, hee hee hee I'm the laughing gnome and you can't catch me Ha ha ha, oh, dear me I'm the laughing gnome and you can't catch me Happens all the time, ha ha ha Ha ha ha, hee hee hee I'm the laughing gnome and you can't catch me Ha ha ha, hee hee hee I'm the laughing gnome and you can't catch me
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